


A Street-side Signboard

by RenderedReversed



Series: Original Work [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Free Verse, Gen, Loneliness, Melancholy, Poetry, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 22:03:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5107280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenderedReversed/pseuds/RenderedReversed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes I wish<br/>I could make a big,<br/>Black, bold,<br/>"Looking For Friends" sign<br/>And cut my heart out<br/>And paste it there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Street-side Signboard

Sometimes I wish

I could make a big,

Black, bold,

"Looking For Friends" sign

And cut my heart out

And paste it there.

 

It feels like a coil

Has wound its way

About my neck,

Ensuring a collar

To restrain me with.

 

Only when it is

Necessary will it

Unwind and allow

My voice to spring

Free; too loud and

Too much like a lark's,

Straggling the line

Between an Earth and

A world unknown.

 

But once I speak,

Once I taste freedom,

It is surely fated to fade

Again--once more into

The grim grunge of

dust and cobwebs.

 

Perhaps it is loud

To compensate for the

Times when it is

Silent and chained

Within its own home.

 

Perhaps it is loud

To drown out all the

Voices that say

"You don't exist."

 

"You're worthless."

 

"No one will ever

Depend on you,

Care for you,

Stay with you--"

 

"You'll be alone

Forever."

 

"--Because you're a

Horrible,

Terrible person

Of the worst sort."

 

"You don't exist."

 

"It's better that way."

 

Like a prisoner in

A jail cell, alone

And guarded by

Shadowy figures with

No name and no face--

Alone, and lonely,

Surrounded by all

The things that make

Us choke.

 

Oh Lord! Oh God!

What faith is there

For we who want

Nothing of Heaven,

Nothing of that

World unknown--

Rather, for us who

Want much of the

Present--what faith

Is there for us?

 

There is nothing that

Heaven nor Hell will

Give me when all

My desires are in

A place they will

Never cross.

 

So let me nail my

Heart to a signboard,

Let it beat without a

Vessel to reside in--

For if that is what

I must do in order

To make cause for the

Coil about my neck

To release me--

 

If only for that

Temporary, brief,

Lovely bit of lying

Freedom--

 

Then so be it.

 

So be it then--

 

I have won and lost

Twice more than I

Have won, and would

Do so again if

It were to mean that

Once, I had friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternatively, "A shower thought turned into a rainy day."


End file.
